I realise that I live my life the 1970’s way, I’m not saying this because of my penchant for flares, Tizer and rock music. No! Its the fact that I am essentially, much to most peoples disgust, mobile phone less.
This state of affairs has evolved over the years. I used to use a mobile phone a lot, back in the days when your measure of cool was dictated by how small your phone was (mine was very small). I’m not saying it wasn’t great- I certainly got invited out a lot more. However, people kept phoning me up when I was in the toilet, trying on clothes or having a quiet meal out. I had to remember to keep the blimmin‘ thing charged, that became another little ritual and before I knew it, I essentially didn’t have a life. I was worshipping the god of One 2 One (that’s how long ago it was!)
That simply wasn’t on. So, I joined the Resistance swapped to pay as you go (for emergencies- when in the car) and I haven’t looked back. I’m FREE! I can shop to my hearts content without distraction, I can have meaningful conversations without fear of interruption, I can go to the loo in peace. I’m not going to irradiate my brain! Evil governments, secret services and military dictators cant track me and my whereabouts.
Needless to say, I’m going to campaign in this household that baby doesn’t get one when he is of an age. I’m sure he wont see it the same way as me, but he won’t get phone bullied and I wont be able to check up on him. Im determined he will enjoy some degree of freedom, like we all did when we were little. I picture him running through the park in a scene not dissimilar to the opening titles of Little House on the Prairie whilst all around him toddlers are looking down at their phones.
As Ive explained, I have no interest in mobile phones but I have noticed that nowadays they can be used to separate the wheat from the Chav. I mean, that phones have begun to get bigger and the bigger your phone the more of a statement it seems to be. In my opinion, the more of a Chav you are. For gods sake, why does anyone need to watch television on a phone? What happened to enjoying your surroundings and interacting with people face to face? I’m beginning to think its a form of social engineering, the bigger the phone, the more radiation, the sooner death and the greater likelihood of infertility.
A recent survey has found that to sustain the opulent lifestyle we have in St Albans would require over 3.5 planets making us the 59th (out of 60) worst city for eco-living in Britain. This is very unlike St Albans, we strive to be the best at everything. This is my call to arms, I have the solution. Residents of St Albans ditch the mobile phones, not only will you have the freedom enjoyed by myself, but unplugging the little energy burners will help to save our planet, lower our energy bills and raise our rating in the poll.
Lets campaign for BT phone boxes, open to everyone they serve a myriad of uses. As homes to little cards offering services they provide a whole chain of employment, they can be used as public toilets and are the ultimate socialist means of communication. We can even market ourselves differently, Harlow might be a nuclear free town, but we could be a mobile phone free town. Free from those evil radiation emitting masks, our children would be cleverer and in 100 years time we would have the best of everything. St Albans residents could take over the world.
Just a little rant- Ive not had much sleep!