Lying in bed last night listening to baby noisily manufacturing the hard green pellets and general slime of his 5th cold in as many weeks, I illuminated the room. Actually I didn’t as such, rather the giant light bulb of idea above my head did. I was pondering upon the secret of success, feeling rather pleased with the link to this blog from the CNN site and my subsequent number of visitors. It occurred to me that as I am, essentially web illiterate and have no idea whether I’m doing well or not in the scheme of things, I am happy and feel successful. There unto is the answer to being happy, forget hippy claptrap and chocolate, just be ignorant in what you are doing. I guess I could have learnt that from watching Jeremy Kyle or something.
Anyhow, another scheme also crossed my mind, that is to increase my profile and celebrity via the means of the Being a Mummy Health and Fitness Club (BMHFC). Oh, yes, thanks to Chen, Chocoholic Mummy Club chairman I failed yesterday by having a chocolate biscuit. But it wasn’t chocolate in bar form, so perhaps it doesn’t count?
Remember I was saying that I want a Jogger pram, well Ive been looking into it and it seems quite costly. However, I have the solution, I’m going to make it my mission to be featured in one of those TV/ Magazine fitness makeovers. I’ll offer in the hope that they wont humiliate me by making me wear the latest Spice Girl copycat fashion from Tesco. But will in fact, help me train seriously, providing me with a suitable pram and nutritional advice. I can then write sanctimonious blogs about my experience.
Now where shall I start…
Dear Lorraine Kelly
I’m a slightly plump mother of a 7 month old, please see attached picture illustrating the size of my bottom, i have a plan PLEASSSSSEEEE HELP me to enact it!