Perhaps I’m unusual in that I really, really cant stand it when my baby cries. The dull incessant wail drives me insane, i can feel brain cells silently exploding and a strange mist descends before my eyeballs. None of this controlled crying for us, unless I get some of those special ear muff protectors that the man who holds the juddery digging machine during roadworks wears. I wonder if Screwfix sell them?
Anyhow, it occurs to me that my baby’s scream could be the key to world peace. I’ll record it and offer it to the American military, they can then pump it across the Middle East. A couple of hours of that and Osama will be happy to leave his cave. The Pakistani’s will free Imran and things will generally calm down. Perhaps he was put on this earth for that very reason, an Easter baby he could be the new messiah, move over David Icke!