Miserymas is Over!

Hurrah Christmas is over, I hope it doesn't come again quickly. It has to be the most miserable time of the year for at least 50% of the population reminding people that they don't have any money, they have lost members of their family and so forth. Only another 6 months till the shops put up the decorations for 2008 I suppose.
Toys r Us has descended on the house making it more of a hazardous danger zone than ever. The HSC better not come around here, or we will all be wearing hard hats, steel toe capped rubber sole boots and those luminous yellow safety jackets. Still baby has learnt to walk with the walker at great speed. High speed crashes into the wall, windows and sofas have not yet left their mark but surely it is only a matter of time. Perhaps the one good thing to result from miserymas was the amount of books he got, no more will I be able to recite the words without reference to the actual text. Ive got some more nursery rhymes, a night garden book, a pop up book and P. C. Bear to memorise!
New Years Eve is a traditional time of reflection and 2007 has been a major year for this household. We have achieved a new baby, a new carpet, a new sofa and a new television. I'm not sure that that was the best combination. On a sadder note we lost Vader (he was over 4 years old), Obi, Panda, Ted and Koala hamsters, so a net loss on the number of little lives hubby has to support.
I'm looking forward to a year with more sleep than 2007 and towards the day that my baby can talk. On this note I wish you all a Happy New Year and I'll try to be more amusing in 2008...

Miserymas is Over!

How to Make Me Happy

Happiness is having hubby home for ten days and the opportunity to skive, sorry sleep (ahem) for at least a couple of nights...

How to Make Me Happy

The Sleigh is Now Fully Loaded

The quest for mead is complete. Whilst perusing the Abbey gift shop feeling rather panicked the one place I would definitely be able to buy it occurred to me and so off I went at the crack of dawn. Just in case people were already queuing to buy turkeys.
The quest for Christmas gifts has been a long, convoluted one and has brought me many tuts and comments such as 'cant these people go out at a different time'. Short of not going out, I'm not quite sure when would be the best time for me to go out in the non-praming masses minds. I could say the same thing about them. I don't often go out on a Saturday to the shops with my pram, so why are they clogging them up mid week? Don't they have work to do? I have to say that the shops don't help either, nearly every other shop has its Christmas sale on. I bet all those organised people are gutted as now they have to either take back the stuff and start again, or grin and bear it.
Speaking of busy shops I was also foolish enough to go to expensive supermarket at ten o'clock this morning. I quickly gave up, my trophy's being a stick of brussel sprouts, a pint of milk and some Stilton with apricots (I know how to live). It was like the St Albans food shortage was about to occur. Hundreds of pensioners and middle aged people, all baying at the deli counter and fighting over potatoes. I even got asked to move by a member of staff, when I was just innocently waiting to get some carrots. Driving past the supermarket just now, they were queuing to get into the car park and our local streets are now full of cars about to creak under the weight of mince pies and Duchy Organic goodies. The joy of Christmas.

The Sleigh is Now Fully Loaded

Don't Litter!

I'm busy, busy, busy, sitting down having mince pies and cups of tea. Due to the lurgy we haven't completed many of our Christmas to do list and frankly I cant be bothered. Who really remembers whether or not they get a Christmas card from me. Apart from the grudge bearer...

I'm also a bit worried about the enormous amount of Chinese plastic that we will have to fit our house when Christmas is over. Will I be able to sit down in the living room? Will baby be able to actually play with any of it due to space issues? I'm tempted to weed some of it out, re-wrap and give it to him again for his birthday. Just call me mummyscrooge.

Still, we did manage to go out and wander around the park. An interesting scene confronted us, basically, the lake has frozen over. My god, the temperature has really dropped since my last outdoor venture. What caused me to warm up rapidly though was my blood boiling from the stupidity of people and the lack of park maintenance. I had to take some pictures to illustrate. Why, why, is it clever to hurl bigger and bigger logs onto the frozen ice? Clearly once the logs ran out, and there was no tarmac left, things were desperate. So someone even felt the need to chuck their shoes on. Now when the ice melts, hopefully in a global warming dramatic way for effect, the lake will be full of even more rubbish. Shoes slowly sinking like the Titanic and ducks holding onto logs for dear life. Joking aside its a bit stupid. Don't litter, especially over water (unless you are hovering over a toilet, then that's acceptable).

Don't Litter!

Bored Baby Syndrome

I'm still here, I haven't been tracked down by Mr Decency and murdered and chopped up and left in tiny pieces all around Verulamium Park. Unlike the unfortunate soul who allegedly was a few years ago, according to on-site rumour when large areas of the park were closed off. I never did hear anymore about it...

Anyhow, yesterday proved to be the day from hell. Trapped in our house due to sickness I took the brunt of bored baby syndrome. A terrible affliction (not to mock the afflicted) which seems to manifest in a terrible sort of demanding whine and an inability to sleep. Driven mad by property programmes, the V-Tech spinning top, the hound of hell, the Fisher Price hell giraffe and covered in breadstick, biscuit and baby sick. I was not assisted by a bad hair day, which made me resemble Young Einstein. Good job I no-longer need to wear a bra, or I'd have had 2 sugar loaves attached to my slippers as well. I so was glad to see hubby. He was excited as our new TV (we got the insurance money for the old broken one) had arrived.

Then, we noticed that the box of the TV had been positioned by the courier in such a way as to disguise the large rip in it and the DAMAGED television inside. I'm not one to swear, but the absolute son of an illegitimate relationship had placed it there and got me to sign for it. Obviously knowing that it was broken, probably by him. Its not a small thing, it is about one and a half metres long by thirty centimetres wide. I know, as I have spent the time since its arrival dodging past it. Now I have to spend another day inside waiting for it to be collected (if I'm lucky).

What can I say, but I cannot recommend Destroyforce- scumbags. To add to this, the company that we bought it from, a large on-line retailer clearly PLAYing at customer service, will only refund when they have received it back and don't have a replacement for us. I'm a Christmas scrooge at the best of times, but this year I'm thinking Ebineezer was a saint.

Bored Baby Syndrome

An email from Mr Decency

Ive had some phishing emails in my time, but this one has to be one of the best:

FROM THE DESK OF MR DECENCY. BILL AND EXCHANGE MANAGER, BANQUE COMMERCIALE DU BURKINA (BCB) BURKINA-FASO I am the manager of bill and exchange at the foreign remittance department Of Bank BCB Burkina, I got your contact through Burkina Faso information network online services, I know that this message will be a surprise to you and it is coming to you with good intention which will be of mutual benefit for both of us. In my department we discovered an abandoned sum of $ 20m US dollars ( Twenty million US dollars). In an account that belongs to one of our foreign customer who died along with his entire family on July 25th 2000, Mr. Andreas Schranner, his wife Maria, their daughter Eich and husband Christian and two children perished in the air France Concorde New York bound flight; please click here http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm
Since we got information about his death, there is nobody to stand as his next of kin to come over and claim his money because the bank cannot release it unless somebody applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines. It is therefore upon this discovery that I now decided to make this business proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or relation to the deceased for safety and Subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and I don’t want this money to go into the Bank treasury as unclaimed Bill and it will not be augur well for the fund to be unclaimed. The Banking law and guideline here stipulates that if such money Remained unclaimed after five years, the money will be transferred into the Bank treasure as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in this business is occasioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner and a Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner. 50 % of this money will be for you as Foreign partner, in respect to the provision of a foreign account, 50 % would be for me. There after I will visit your country for disbursement according to the percentages indicated. Therefore to enable the immediate transfer of this fund to you as arranged, you must apply first to the bank as relations or next of kin of the deceased. Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text of the application which you will fill and send to the office of the Director Foreign Remittance Department, I will not fail to bring to your notice that this transaction is hitch free and that you should not entertain any atom of fear as all required arrangements and information’s are on my desk. You should contact me immediately as soon as you receive this letter Trusting to hear from you immediately. Yours faithfully, MR DECENCY.

If anyone wishes to contact Mr Don Decency ive got the email here....

An email from Mr Decency

Bleurggggghhh

Well, I'm well on my way to my aim of losing a stone in weight. No, I haven't been on a massive keep fit drive, rather due to extreme bad luck and chance Ive managed to get viral gastroenteritis. Lovely. Called the nice french doctor out mainly as I was worried about the baby and she said there was a lot of it going around. Most of her appointments are with people suffering from the very same complaint. Three Valleys Water must be experiencing a peak in demand. My aim to become fully vegetarianism is complete, I don't think I need explain why.

Who knows where we all got it, we've not really been out or eaten anything remotely dodgy. I'm putting it down to the increased demand to touch lots of things wherever you go, I'm sure that must causing a rise in illness. For example, now when you go shopping you have to touch the keypad of the pin machine, its not like using notes where you won't necessarily touch exactly the same place as the last person. With a pin machine, there's at least a one in nine chance you will. Ive noticed the number of people that don't wash their hands after visiting the toilet. I'm sure you have too, if I use a public lavatory, at least half of the people in there will just walk out after completing their business. This is the way germs are being spread. Its even exacerbated at the doctors surgery. Instead of talking to a receptionist you have to sign in using a keypad, you can guarantee the person before you is at the doctors with plague. Perhaps I should follow Michael Jackson's lead and walk around wearing one glove. That would be a way to identify me in St Albans.

Bleurggggghhh

The To Do List

As is the fashion on blogger I thought that today's post should be a To Do List. Apologies if it seems boring but I'm looking for a book deal....
Specifically Today
Visit Sainsbury to get weekly shop (see shopping list)
Wash all the bed sheets
Dry all the bed sheets
Do the weekend Laundry
Cook the dinner
Do the Washing up
Attempt to purchase a few Christmas Presents
Finish writing Christmas Cards
Drop money off at work for Christmas Party
Generally
Get more Christmas Presents
Hoover and Dust
Cook up a batch of spinach and ricotta parcels to freeze for baby
Visit friend who has just had baby
Write blog- try to think of something amusing
Attempt a few sit-ups and press-ups
Make a chocolate cake
Get hair cut
Attempt to read book
Lose one stone in weight

Ok, so you are all thoroughly bored, Im so bored I cant think of anything else to do....

The To Do List

An Experiment in Search Engines

Since this blog started Ive been having a look at the visitors location and its proving interesting. Being a Mummy is popular in the Palestine Occupied Territory, India, Canada, and the USA. The UK goes without question. I have also been looking at the search terms entered to find it and bizarrely the post about Chav presents provided lots of hits. Does this mean that some people have classified their friends as Chav's and are looking for specific gifts for them? Another comment about the England football team and Sopwell hotel generated a lot of hits. So as an experiment, I enter here, a random selection of words to see their effectiveness!
Canoeist, Panama, Tom Cruise, Chelsea FC, football, diet, reflexology, baby, asparagus, Christmas gift, xylophone, zebra extinction. MMMM, wonder if this says something about my sub-conscious mind....

An Experiment in Search Engines

How Does He Know?

Our house is a cream carpet house, let me re-phrase that, it was a cream carpet house until today's lunch of casserole. Baby seems to have this sort of inbuilt device which tells him that the thing he wants to do most, is the thing he cant do because its naughty. Or the thing he cant have because its unsuitable. Today, for example, at baby girl mum's house he was presented with a wide range of toys and what did he want? Their TV remote control, this looks nothing like our remote so, how did he know? How does he know that you shouldn't eat electrical cables, a personal favourite at the moment? But that he can eat his teether which is effectively a brightly coloured electrical cable, which he wont go near? HOW? I'd like to know as I'm sure this super-power would lead me to untold riches...

How Does He Know?

The Ark of Laundry

Our house is currently sinking under the weight of laundry and tidying up that needs doing. Its a good job its raining really, as the water is probably keeping it buoyed up a bit.
St Albans is a strange place when it rains, heavy rains often lead to the River Ver and the lake in Verulamium Park flooding, leading to epic scenes of watery parkland. According to a ten year old I know this might be the reason for the strange appearance of cockle shells on the footpath that leads around the golf course. I have to admit, she could be onto something...

The Ark of Laundry

The Car Seat Dilemma

Car seats are not something you can just chuck money at and get the best one there is. Not that I have any money to chuck or indeed spend, but that's beside the point where safety is concerned. Baby desperately needs one, his little chunky legs are sort of bent like a little frog in his bucket seat, and so, although I'm told its safe, I'm not convinced.
Therefore during a spare few minutes we went to Toys R Us and Mother(don't)care to try to find the best one. Both shops suggested different things and it seems it pretty much comes down to the colour and style. Like most things in life.
Surely, you would think that with a safety item there would be more to it than that! However the temptation to get the shop assistants to fit every single one until I liked the look of it in my car was quite strong. I did go to these shops in Harlow though. I'm now wondering if Essex baby has different requirements to the rest of the population. Perhaps style is the critical factor there. I'm not in Essex much these days so perhaps I should try a Hertfordshire based shop to see if there's a difference in recommendations. I'm terrible at making my mind up about this sort of thing, so the first shop to tell me exactly what I want wins my trade.

The Car Seat Dilemma

Ive managed to start with the word 'Twas'! or Some Poorly Thought Out Drivel

Twas an exciting weekend, for not only did we manage to watch a DVD but it was baby's christening. The christening seemed to go well, although there remains some confusion about whether or not bunny is now officially a God Parent. I hope so, I'm sure bunny will provide lots of comfort in times of need.
I'm amazed and astonished at how smoothly it all went, considering there were7 babies outside tummies and 2 inside there was a real lack of screaming and wet patches both during the service and back at out house! The lack of wet patches is even more amazing considering the appallingly rainy weather.
We chose to mark our first post baby DVD watch (we haven't had any time!) with Pirates of the Caribbean. It was an enjoyable film, although a bit confusing, or was that me. It could have been me, as I quite fancy Johnny Depp. He has a dark sense of humour which appeals to me. As does my husband, although its his wit and sharp mind I admire most. I digress, I think I'd quite enjoy being a shipwrecked pirate. You have to admit there's no greater fun to be had, than foraging for food and setting fire to stuff. There's not much opportunity for me to indulge in such behaviour in St Albans at the moment. I cant wait till baby can join the Woodcraft Folk...

Ive managed to start with the word 'Twas'! or Some Poorly Thought Out Drivel