The Television is on, But Theres No-one at Home

I’m sure you can take some solice in the fact that however miserable you feel about the New Year the residents of Albert Square have it worse. The television has been on most of Christmas, but I seem to have only paid attention to the news, Eastenders, Mary Poppins and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Ask me what else was on, and I honestly couldn’t tell you. I wish I held the rights to these two films as the amount of times they get shown, someone must be raking it in. You could also note the remarkable similarity in actors, dance routines and musical arrangement between the two. Suggesting that in fact they one and the same film anyway. I love both films: Mary Poppins, the tale of one mans slide into a nervous breakdown and insanity despite the best efforts of two very precious children. How very apt for New Years Day. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang the tale of how gorging yourself on too much sugar can cause hallucination, near death and you still get the girl.
I expect the general public will consider me to be a terrible mother. Why? well, baby has been to eat out twice this holiday. First, we went to Pizza Express where he gorged himself on garlic doughballs and pizza. Then, in Cambridge we had lunch in Starbucks and he gorged on (alongside his food) my chocolate muffin. Slap my wrists, eight months old and theres nothing he likes more than a bit of garlic bread and some cake. He loves eating out and is a real little charmer, checking out the eight month old ladies with their puree and bigging himself up whilst feeding himself his pizza. He has even developed a little wave to get their attention. Am I going to have my hands full with him!

Over the break we did come to a revelation that might help the police. People who have fully functioning legs and are otherwise unimpeded by shopping trolleys or children and who still choose to enter a lift full of people with the above, must be paedophiles. Can’t think of any other reason why you would want to share a lift with lots of screaming children and shopping when there is an escalator two foot away. One day, when I write my factual observations book, I’ll put this alongside the fact that people driving cars whilst wearing a hat are always dangerous drivers. If you don’t believe me, do you own random survey…


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