General Non-Specific Answers

The boy woke up with this rash. Rather fetching isn’t it, in an ‘oh my god, I hope I don’t get it’ manner.
Panic; ‘MUUUUUMMMMM!!! he has this rash…’ That was me.
Mum; ‘ No question about it, he has German Measles..’
Me; ‘Oh God!’
Boy; ‘Oh God! Ohhhhh GODDD!’
Me thinking; MMM, perhaps I shouldn’t have said that…
Onto NHS DIRECT then
Me; ‘My boy has this rash.’
NHS DIRECT; ‘ …name, date of birth, surgery…’
Me; ‘Ummm, But he has this rash and is very distressed. Hes had his MMR’. Thinking to myself; ‘Christ! send me an ambulance now!’
NHS DIRECT; ‘Does he have a swelling in his groin?’
Me; ‘Don’t think so…’
NHS DIRECT; ‘Take him to a pharmacist.’
Me thinking; How helpful is that? fob you off to the private sector, moan, moan…
At the Pharmacy
Me; ‘Hes got this rash.’ Pointing at small boy in a sort of absent manner intended to indicate to any other people present that he may or may not belong to me with his plague.
Pharmacist; ‘yes rash, general rash, you have him too wrapped up.’
Me; ‘It looks like measles.’
Pharmacist; ‘ no, general rash.’
Me; ‘Is it contagious?’
Pharmacist; ‘no, could be allergy, general rash.’

2pm Birthday party 6 children plus Fifi are playing happily. Too happily, if it was film you would be selecting one for the monster to eat.

6.15 pm
Boy; ‘Muummmm…’ intense crying
Me; ‘Right! [I have a habit of saying this word], off to emergency doctors, we need to know about this.’

At the Doctors
Doctor; ‘its a non specific general viral rash, give him Calpol.’

Great, so now Ive potentially infected 6 children with a non-specific general viral rash and Ive come to the conclusion that at doctor/pharmacist university you are taught a few stock phrases for most illnesses:
When faced with the plague; ‘Its a virus, you can’t have any antibiotics’
When faced with illness in rash form; ‘its a non specific general viral rash’
When faced with death; ‘I’m afraid he/ shes’s passed away’
Its amazing how much the medical profession has in common with another, the IT consultant/ help desk; ‘turn the computer off and on again.’ IT person makes escape.

Apologies friends, I listened to initial medical advice, I thought it was nothing to worry about. It isn’t anything to worry about, but I fear I may have spread the happiness.

2 Responses

  1. Maternal Tales 19th April 2009 / 12:44 pm

    Oh you poor thing. I remember Renée having hideous rashes before and taking her to the doctors in a panic only to be told exactly what you were told – that it was a non-specific viral rash. It's a relief, obviously, but you feel that you've ben fobbed off nonetheless. Glad he's ok!

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