Toddler boy has this really smelly bunny, he cuddles it, sucks its ear and has adventures with it. He loves it more than mummy, daddy and baby Fifi. He loves it more than chocolate, crisps and coca-cola. He loves it more than anything else in the whole wide world.
Hubby has a fear of spiders.
The day was a typical North Norfolk one; bright, big blue sky and gentle wind (OK, well make that hurricane force gales). What better weather to take a trip on the Wells- Walsingham light railway. The longest 10 and a quarter inch narrow gauge steam railway in the world. How exciting! Toot- toot, chuffa, chuffa, chuffa and other railway like noises.
The journey began well, with an air of excitement and the chance to grab the best seats. Ones that are covered, but open at the sides, adding that element of Health and Safety danger only allowed at the sea-side. Twenty minutes into the journey, Toddler boy was bursting with excitement, Fifi had been lulled to sleep and I was thinking, to be honest, that it was a bit boring as it seemed to be taking quite a long time. I have no patience and require immediate gratification. Hubby can vouch for this. Hubby was proudly showing me how he was sitting with stinky bunny on his lap, its ear sort of flapping in the wind. I thought to myself that he was taking a risk, but its not for me to spoil the holiday fun.
THEN, a so called MASSIVE black spider fell off the roof and onto hubby’s lap. All of a sudden he jumped up in fright (only a bit ) as I’m not aware of him hitting his NUMB SKULL. And with that stinky bunny flew right out of the train. In slow motion. The train carried on its way, toot toot, cuffa chuffa chuffa. Our very souls stayed where they were.
Hubby looking distraught conveyed this message to me using his best telepathy “Sh**, Christ, OMG, Ive lost bunny, I’m so sorry, don’t divorce me”
I replied “People must do this all the time”.
I thought ” Bl**dy idiot, MEN, cant be trusted, OMG, must distract the boy, OMG that’s it, the end of the world”
Toddler boy; “BUN, BUUUUUN!!” (his name for it)
Me; “Bun-bun is in the car”
Toddler Boy; “Noooooooaaaaaaooooooo”
Hubby; “sob, sob”
Me; “Hes gone for a ride with the driver, hes driving the train”
The journey is then one of quiet awkward silence except for the occasional sob and wail of “bun- bun”
The longest ten minutes of my life, my heart was pounding, I began to have the fight/ flee response inclinations. We needed a miracle.
Can I just say, controversially no doubt, that in my opinion this sort of thing is really something that happens when men are involved, any woman would have made sure that the most precious possession on board the train would be secure. In all circumstances. This opinion is backed up by the train drivers comment when I asked about recovering bunny he said “it happens all the time, wallets, cameras, phones…”. He didn’t say purse did he.
On to the second longest ten minutes of my life, the return journey. Hubby was a bit distressed, sitting, a man on the edge, mentally and on his seat as he was acting as back-up bunny collector in case the driver failed to get it. Luckily I had managed to distract Toddler boy effectively and he really did think that bunny was driving the train. I sat there, sending out he had better be recovered vibes. A thought ran through my head “what if he has been run over by the train?” I pictured his stuffing blowing away gently, wistfully, in the breeze. It could have been like Watership Down. It was heading that way. I conveyed this discretely to hubby. He said I was ten million times wrong, it would defy the laws of physics. A flicker of further worry crossed his angst ridden face.
The train slowed, other passengers jostled in a sort of hushed emergency manner. Toot toot, an arm reached out and recovered bunny. Sigh! A massive massive relief. The third longest section of a train journey and we were back. Bunny had been driving the train! The journey was life-changing, it revealed, several things:
- Men can be stupid
- The importance of bunny
- Time slows in times of strife
- Children can be distracted
- Never, ever, go on the worlds longest narrow gauge railway without attaching precious things to you with a lanyard.
- Never let hubby hold the baby in circumstances where spiders might appear, who knows what could have happened!
- Try not to let your child get attached to anything!
Poor hubby, I forgive you, I realise its not your fault you are a man!