Things not to do at Baby Group

Baby Group, marketed as a place to meet other mums make life long friends and somewhere for the children to be entertained. Somewhere to be judged, criticised and to rediscover the joys of sixth form common room politics. Can I make a stand here, I hate baby groups. I generally find that I am stuck in a room with a group of people whom I have nothing in common with. Most of whom seem more intent on looking at what pushchair, clothes and change bag I have.

Its a place where on the spot judgements are made of people and cliques form. I force myself to go along, mainly so the kids can have a little bit of interaction with children whose parents are not my personal friends. Its a chance for them to form their own allegiances and enemies and to be honest it does keep them amused and saves me from watching yet another repeat episode of Fireman Sam. I think after two years I am finally getting the hang of the behavioural pro’s and con’s of baby group and so I present my little list of what not to do at Baby Group (note to self);

  • Shout at other peoples children. Whatever they do
  • Appear looking like you have been dragged through a hedge backwards.
  • Rush to the tea/ coffee as soon as it is available
  • Appear with a twenty pound note
  • Change your baby in the middle of the room
  • Make eye contact with someone only to fail to speak to them
  • Crack stupid unfunny jokes or comment about others present
  • Follow your child around the room acting as a buffer against other children
  • Let your child act like a feral monster
  • Look miserable, smug, frightened or mental

…Go in the first place….


17 Responses

  1. Jennysnail 18th August 2009 / 11:54 am

    Brings back memories. Glad mine are out of the baby stage!

  2. The Dotterel 18th August 2009 / 12:37 pm

    I can add another – 'be a dad'. Honest, I could write a book…

  3. Vic 18th August 2009 / 12:42 pm

    I used to hate baby groups but always felt guilty if I let my dislike get in the way of the boy getting out with other kids.<br>Am so glad I don&#39;t have to endure that now but oh, I will have to. Back to square one again.

  4. Dawn 18th August 2009 / 3:33 pm

    My number one thing not to do at baby clubs was to … not go to them. Cannot stand them, much preferred to let my lo have fun with kids at other places, parks and activities. I like your list though, very appropriate.

  5. Insomniac Mummy 18th August 2009 / 4:49 pm

    I was hit and miss with baby groups with Big E. Always felt intimidated.<br><br>I really need to find one to go to now I have Little E, just so I can get out with the 2 of them. Gonna have to bite the bullet.

  6. Kat 18th August 2009 / 8:29 pm

    I went once. Plenty for me!

  7. Coding Mamma (Tasha) 18th August 2009 / 8:40 pm

    Chris would agree with The Dotterel. He&#39;s been a few times and the vast majority of them no-one has talked to him at all – apart from my sister who works there, or my aunt if she&#39;s there with Rosemary&#39;s cousin. Odd because whenever there&#39;s a dad or dads there, I have always made sure I talk to them. <br><br>But, yes, at the baby groups in particular, I always felt pretty

  8. The wife of bold 18th August 2009 / 9:44 pm

    Ha your list totally resonates with me – i always make myself wait till last in line before diving into the tea and toast – it kills me every time:)

  9. Jo 18th August 2009 / 10:01 pm

    I have a funny feeling that it depends which part of the country you live in. The groups I went to in London felt unfriendly and competitive; groups in the west country have a different feel to them. Having just relocated I would be completely bereft of friends to have coffee with if it weren&#39;t for the mums I met through toddlers and NCT. But you are right about not appearing too scruffy. I

  10. Ju 19th August 2009 / 6:33 am

    Totally agree with you. I never liked them, unless you go there from day one, the &#39;click&#39; usually makes you feel like an outsider. <br>And to add to your list: Don&#39;t leave before helping with the big tidy up (the looks you get if you leave are very scary).<br><br>Ju 😉

  11. Sandy Calico 19th August 2009 / 6:40 am

    So funny! I go to playgroup primarily for my children to play with other children. At the beginning I felt like I was going back to school, as the new girl. It did get better and I have now met a few nice mums.

  12. Maternal Tales 19th August 2009 / 8:41 am

    Oh how your list made me laugh – the cracking unfunny jokes is my speciality (well, I think they&#39;re funny but no one else seems to). And the looking towards the exit desperately searching for someone to walk in that you vaguely know instead of people that you don&#39;t know at all. I am soooo pleased I&#39;m over that stage. Not pleasant for anyone involved…

  13. Emma 19th August 2009 / 12:47 pm

    Ditto!<br>I hate the baby group I go to.<br>I really do not know why I still go.<br>It&#39;s called a young mother&#39;s group and there is something wrong when at 20 your the oldest mother there!<br>Talking about breastfeeding/cooking/family life isn&#39;t on the agenda with these girls!<br>It&#39;s all shoes and what your going to wear out at the weekend when they go clubbing!!<br><br>So very

  14. Mel 19th August 2009 / 1:24 pm

    I have to agree, I was lucky that my friend used to run one and so she introduced me to a lot of people but even then it was awkward, especially once I had more than one, apparently that wasn&#39;t a good idea either. Now Heather is at school I have met many more people and some have children the same age as my younger ones and we find plenty of children to play with. A good list though for those

  15. Perfectly Happy Mum 19th August 2009 / 9:07 pm

    I love this post!! 🙂 You are so right, so many of those &quot;Not to do&quot; I have done and still do… Oh well you know what most of these women should really get over themselves. I have found groups lately where women are really sweet and did find that for most of them it took quite a few visits and hello to become somehow rather friendly 🙂 <br>Great post!

  16. Laura McIntyre 20th August 2009 / 5:17 pm

    I seem to be in the minority as in i really love our local baby group. The people are lovely and the kids love it , its the only one i have ever been to and always felt welcome. <br><br>Im hate that everyone cannot have that

  17. Metropolitan Mum 21st August 2009 / 12:29 am

    HAHAHAHAHA. But what do you mean, I am not supposed to shout at other people&#39;s kids? I thought that was what playgroups are all about?

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