It's not that we lead an extravagant life. The hubby has a fantastic job, we have a lot of money coming in every month. However we have a mortgage on our lovely large expensive commuter belt house that would make your toes curl. Its far more than two people on the minimum wage would earn in a month. This was fine pre-children. Post children its a nightmare. Working through our bills, we have less disposable income than people living on benefits, although we are not entitled to any. So, like many others in our situation, I find myself making clothes, buying food when its on special offer and buying nothing apart from essentials. If nothing else its a sharp reality check. I appreciate what I have more than I have ever done. Next time you look at someone who appears to have it all in terms of material possessions, just think; all might not be what it seems.
Posts
20 comments:
You're so right...We have NO disposable income whatsoever (minus income actually). And what makes it even harder is that my husband is freelance so we never know how much money we'll have each month so it's almost impossible to budget. I know I'll have to go back to work at some point but I'm still fighting it because I can't bear to think that I won't be here for my children. Like you say, life isn't always what it seems...
I completely understand, all that glitters is not gold. In comparison to some of our friends me and our hubby have a nice sized four bedroom home, with a nice car and want for nothing, in reality we have debts that would make your eyes water and are shopping around for bargains and bogof offers!
I second this.
I work a 4 day week, more than I want to. Stopping work to spend time with kids? Not an option at all. And for us too it's the mortgage that paralyses us. In my case two mortgages because I can't sell my bachelorette flat...
No disposable income seems like a familiar story amongst us. I've found the cash and carry can be useful for some items - the other day we bought a huge pack of chicken breasts (that in themselves were larger than the supermarket variety) for much cheaper than we ever would have found in the supermarket.
Complete sympathy here, just read Insomniac Mummy with a similar post today too. I don't know how I could find a job which would pay for two children in nursery and leave us enough money to make it worthwhile. My husband was out of work for the first six months of this year too so we ran up debts. It was very difficult and still is. Very few people know we're in this situation. Did you know we're SITCOMS? (single income two children outrageous mortgage) - terrible acronym!
Same boat here too...
Makes things worse as husband has had no job for last year and we had to take Car out of nursery!
I juggle money in and money out every month.
What really annoys me is the fact that the government will not help in anyway as you are not considerd broke (!) .
For example, to qualify for free school dinners our joint income (or my income) would have to be less than £12000 pa.
I havent had a penny since I was 17, the age I had my first child. Kids suck the money out of you faster than a hoover.
Now I'm qualified there are no jobs!!!!!!
Cant win in this life. Hey-ho!
RMxx
A few years ago some neighbours and good friends emigrated to New Zealand, essentially to avoid the trap you are describing. I found this astonishing; that they felt compelled to go half way round the world, to a country they'd never been to - and ultimately, it was because of housing costs.
So you raise an important and difficult issue. On the positive side it is worth remembering that this is probably (according to averages) the period of your life when income:outgoings are most out of sinc - hence you have debts that you plan to pay off later. Middle class parents often get a reverse of this situation when their children finally leave college / uni - 'biggest real terms pay increase I've had' said my friend recently. But of course that is long time off.
In the meantime it is all about choices: to work or not; to live in a nicer house or not (that is a choice too, though a very difficult one); to go on holiday or not. The problem is that once we get used to certain things (especially houses) it is difficult to see these as reasonable choices at all.
I have written a lot about this, particularly the problems associated with housing costs which have had a disproportionate and very negative impact on family life.
You are right, it is real issue - I hope you find a solution that works for you
I know so many people in this situation - hideously large mortgage, reduced income from having periods of maternity leave, childcare costs eating up immense amounts of income and having to really struggle to make ends meet
I really hope something happens to improve things for you - horrid horrid situation
In the same situation here too. I need to go back to work not to earn loads but mainly the money so we can use the second car, and keep up the kids classes. However with having no family in the near vacintiy either I need to find something part time that will pay enough for the nursey charge. At least Kai now gets a few hour for free but Alana will still need to be paid for. Childminder may save a bit of money but the nursery Kai is in he's been there since he was about 10months old and he some close friends I would hate to split him from. Just to add to the dilema Hubby being the main money earner dictates where we have to live. So unless he finds a job soon nearby, we may have to move locations, so even if I started applying for jobs now who knows how long I would be stopping for!!!!! feels like the chicken and the egg, do I find a job now just to pay the nursery or do I wait for him to sort out his job and keep kids out of nursery????
Really hard situation to be in, and phenomenally stressful. Particularly when you have been used to earning and now aren't which doesn't half make you feel powerless.
Part of the reason we moved to Bosnia was because it was cheaper and gave my husband a decent chance at trying to make his software development company successful enough to support us (let alone employ someone else!). Bosnia is cheaper... but not as cheap as we were hoping. We have to decide what we are going to do in the future soon, because quite soon we may not be able to afford to come back home.
Oh my goodness. Was just worrying about our finances before logging on to check my blogs! Started back to work last week because we need the money, but still looks like we are really going to struggle at the end of each month. Very careful shopping from now on!
Room in that boat for 3 more?
It sucks doesn't it. It makes me angry to think of people on benefits with more cash for treats than the mr & me who have worked non stop since we left school.
We're not hard done by- we have a nice home and food on the table, but it would be nice to be able to splurge once in a while without worrying about overdraft charges :(
...come on lottery!!
We do have choices though. A huge mortgage is a choice, as is choosing to live in areas with good schools etc. Having lived and worked in more disadvantaged areas it made me appreciate just how much we do have even if it is hard to make ends meet. We have the ability to move and downsize if we want to. So let's count our blessings as well as our pennies.
I've got a lot of sympathy for those with no disposable income - it's a rotten situation.
But I agree with Harry to an extent - most of us DO have choices. They’re not choices you want to make, but they’re still there. Move to a smaller house, sell the car, put the kids with a childminder instead of day nursery, sell unwanted stuff on eBay rather than sending it to Oxfam, switch your utilities, shopping habits and so on.
I’ve got complete empathy for everyone commenting on this thread – I got divorced when I found out my ex had run up six-figure debts despite earning 75k a year. Even better, some of those debts were in my name. I’ve spent three really hard years trying to get back on my feet and keep a roof over our heads – working freelance, part-time and being a single parent. It’s certainly not easy.
But I’ve always known that we’re not in poverty in the way many people are truly in poverty, particularly at the moment, with people losing jobs, losing homes and genuinely struggling to keep the kids fed and the lights on.
Whatever our cash flow problems, Flea has always been warm and well fed. There’s always been hot water for a bath at the end of the day, and electricity to power the lights. And if it all went truly tits up, we could sell the house, sell the car, sell the contents of the house, and we’d be okay. In reality, we’re rich.
So, a bit of empathy all around wouldn’t go amiss, really.
PS – you should reclaim your bank charges, rather than worrying about overdraft fees. I got almost 5 grand this week, which was bloody fantastic. Only took eight weeks all told, and was completely painless.
Gosh.
Strong words and feelings all round here, but that is nature of money I guess.
Sounds like it is tough all round, I won't bore you with my story (a little out of fear I guess)
Im a single mum, who works part-time but is lucky to be friends with her ex who got a pay rise as he left.
My pride is hurt at relying on someone else to support me and pay my mortgage; but my daughter and i get to keep our home.
Tough times doesn't mean we need to be tough on each other though...
Lots of interesting comments, I was hoping to provoke some thought. I have learnt better than to comment further on tricky topics like this.
However, most people are sort of missing one of my main points which is that when you look at people and judge them for what they do or do not have, all might not be what it seems. Never judge a book by its cover!
Personally, I think its a case of making thieves and then punishing them. Successive governments have been hell bent on measuring success in GDP and consumer spending as well as placing exorbitant value on house ownership. Those people that had the choice to follow this socially hallowed route, have often ended up in a position of limited expendable income and are scraping by. No, its not poverty in the sense of no income, but its not a healthy situation for a family to be in, but in many ways they have been doing what was expected of them.
Its a sad and unfortunate position to be in...
Harry has asked me to remove the comment he made
Hi
I was reading your post and if it is any consolation it is just as difficult when children are grown up in fact just as bad, I have worked my whole live to provide for my children and although they are 21 and 24 they still need support financially however because I can not get a job after finishing uni I am unable to help them which makes me feel inadaquate, I have one daughter at home who is just about to go to uni and one just finished but can't get job, I have no partner to help, I do wonder when this time will come which you all talk about, i.e having more money when kids leave, sorry to tell you kids can't afford to leave home ahhhhh
Post a Comment