Five years ago, I would never have pictured myself where we are today. We had been trying for a baby for a while unsuccessfully, trying to sell our ex-council house, unsuccessfully and I was having a hard time at work, so much so that I couldn’t even bring myself to attend our work drinks. I did feel miserable, the only way I could make myself feel better was to go to the Liberty shop in London and spend more money than is sensible on a Mui Mui handbag.
Now, I live in a lovely detached house in a nice suburban road. I have two beautiful children, a job that I don’t worry about (well, quite so much) and after a hard year health wise I feel better than ever. I have a doting husband and a lovely family. All I want for Christmas is for them to be happy and healthy next year.
For me, Christmas is always retrospective. It’s a marker in the year to assess where I am, what I’m doing and what has happened to family, friends and myself. Each year I spend a little bit of time reflecting on the last Christmas that we had with my Nanny who passed away at Christmas time and, now even more so that I am a mum, how my own mother must feel about it. I miss my Nanny, I would have loved her to see me get married and to meet my children. I can’t imagine how my mum must feel at this time of year. I hope that the joy of having grandchildren can make up for her loss in some small way. I also like to think that my Nanny is with us, making sure that we are all alright throughout the year.
I think its important to try to explain the meaning of Christmas to the children and that is why we took part in providing the Church Travelling Crib with an overnight stay . I have also been reading the Lion Children’s Bible to them at bedtime. I am not sure they understand it all yet, I’m not sure I do. But I hope that its a start in introducing them to the potential benefits that a little bit of faith can bring to life. I want my children to appreciate what they have and how lucky they are compared to others in the world. I think its important to think about the homeless, children who may not have the luxury of both parents and those who are lonely or sick.
However, I do not want them to dwell on this and worry at their age. I want them to feel the excitement and joy that I felt when I was little. Waking up in the middle of the dark night to see a pillowcase of presents at the end of my bed. Feeling desperate to open a tiny unnoticeable crack of wrapping paper, just so I could see what was contained within. Trying to keep one eye open all night long, just so I could see Father Christmas with his delivery.
This is the first Christmas since I was little that I feel really excited about. I know for sure that Toddler boy understands what is going on. The anticipation of watching him open his presents is all too much. Now I understand what all the fuss is about. Christmas is the reward for all the sleepless nights, tantrums, sickness and worry throughout the year. The birth of Jesus helps to place yourself and your life in context and it’s the start of another incredible journey.
I hope you all have a lovely, healthy, joyous Christmas!