Why having babies in your twenties is a good idea

Last night was a typical night in our house, Fifi was up every hour, then we had a 5:30 am start to the day. This was after a half day at work in my part-time job and an afternoon of childcare with both baby and Toddler. In short, I am exhausted. I can tell, I have spots, I have bags under my eyes. I feel tired permanently and I am in such a routine of non-sleep that I don’t think I could sleep even if I had the chance.

We have had pretty much, if you include the first pregnancy three and a half years of this. I love my children and I am happy that I had them, I do feel absolutely blessed. However, I am convinced that they have aged me at least ten years.

I didn’t have much choice, I wasn’t in a position to have children before my thirties. Instead, I went to university, tried to have a career, rooted myself in a comfortable lifestyle and generally became a bit set in my ways. Looking back, I feel a bit skeptical as to whether this was actually the right choice. Certainly, if I had got onto the property ladder earlier, we would have had an even nicer house, or a smaller mortgage.

Where I live, I could probably be considered quite a young mum, in fact at most of the mother and baby groups, I am. It’s an affluent commuter belt town. There are large numbers of twins, many, many people have become pregnant as a result of IVF. Is this a good thing?

The mums in their twenties that I see, have lower expectations for their standard of living. I think it’s that they are not so used to the nice restaurant meals, endless clothes, theatre trips, sleep and so forth. As a result they don’t, generally, seem to ponder and worry and even push their children quite as much. They accept things much easier and generally seem the fare a lot better on the lack of sleep. I just don’t think parenthood takes its toll quite as much. Some would argue that this is of course, nature. Its only in the last 100 years or so that we have been able to really dictate when we have our children, biologically. I am sure that there are probably health benefits to doing it earlier.

With some of these arguments in mind, I think that actually, on reflection its much better to have your children earlier on in life, for your sake. So if its something you are considering, don’t wait. There is never a right time.

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19 Responses

  1. april 3rd December 2009 / 9:18 am

    I think it helped me, in that i wasn't used to having money at all- so I didn't feel like I was missing out – no career yet, no lifestyle really 🙂 but that was always the plan – kids first then career – just wish it was as simple as I had thought and life hadn't gotten in the way…

  2. rosiescribble 3rd December 2009 / 10:05 am

    I was 30 when I had my daughter. I in't think I would have been mature enough in my 20s to bring up a child. I understand your point though, it is exhausting. Biologically it has to be better to have babies younger, I'm sure.

  3. Mark 3rd December 2009 / 10:12 am

    &#39;There is never a right time&#39; – Think that is true. There are advanatges to both approaches.<br><br>Sensitive issue – but the facts show there is a big class (hate that word but it will do) differential in the age people have kids; middle class couples have kids later. And that will correlate to some of your other comments about parent&#39;s expectations.<br><br>Of course, there are many

  4. Hannah 3rd December 2009 / 10:15 am

    From the other perspective (I had the girlchild at 24), I&#39;ve never had the chance to travel much or go out for nice dinners. Mr H didn&#39;t graduate from university until 4 months before she was born so we didn&#39;t have the funds to do anything them. I&#39;d love to do some travelling, but now it has to wait until the boychild (and any younger ones if we have any more) have finished

  5. Frog in the Field 3rd December 2009 / 11:15 am

    If I&#39;d started younger I think I&#39;d have had a lot more children so I&#39;d still be old and tired!

  6. Littlemummy 3rd December 2009 / 11:18 am

    I don&#39;t think there&#39;s a &#39;best time&#39; however, I think it&#39;s an advantage if you aren&#39;t used to having lots of disposable income and luxuries.

  7. make do mum 3rd December 2009 / 12:32 pm

    I didn&#39;t feel ready to have kids until my 30s. To be honest I&#39;m still not sure that I am ready!

  8. Vic 3rd December 2009 / 1:17 pm

    You&#39;re right that there&#39;s never a right time. I guess a lot of us would never have had kids if we&#39;d been waiting for that right time. In the end, this time around we decided that if we kept waiting for that time we&#39;d never have a second. <br>I think the more important thing, rather than having a child when it&#39;s the right time in your career or financially, is to look deep

  9. TheMadHouse 3rd December 2009 / 1:30 pm

    We tried to have children younger, but it didnt happen and we were blessed when Mini and Maxi Mad came along when I was in my 30s and MadDad his 40&#39;s.<br><br>I think there are pros and cons to when to have children, I agree that biologically we are meant to do it sooner rather than later, but emotionally I would never have been ready and MadDad was still a child himself like most men!!

  10. Kat 3rd December 2009 / 8:12 pm

    As a twenties parent I am completely happy with my decision. I had plenty of living and travelling which is by no means over. I have friends with children the same age as my eldest going through the menopause…<br><br>I think 100 years ago women were having children into their forties but they were fourth or firth children not the first.

  11. Jo 3rd December 2009 / 8:52 pm

    I had no choice about timing as I didn&#39;t meet the love of my life til I was 33 and we worked as fast as we could to have our first child together just a month after my 35th birthday. <br><br>However I&#39;m sure that if I&#39;d had children in my twenties then I would have had more energy. After all, I shudder now when I think how little sleep I used to have during a weekend of partying. I

  12. Anjie 4th December 2009 / 8:25 am

    You&#39;re at a very difficult point at the moment with two demanding pre school children. Once the children are at school, I know that seems a long way away but it isn&#39;t really, life will get easier. With the torture of sleep depravation it&#39;s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Eventually the bonus of being an older mum will shine through, you have a greater resource of life

  13. Fi 4th December 2009 / 10:18 am

    I am a 24 year old mum and wouldn&#39;t change it. Biologically I feel equipped to deal with sleepless nights etc. and thinking about subsequent children, I am very lucky to have the luxury of total choice about when we do it. <i>But</i>, socially it can be lonely! <br><br>I have a degree, nice job, am generally not an idiot – most of my friends my own age just don&#39;t have babies yet. So I

  14. Metropolitan Mum 4th December 2009 / 11:22 am

    I get where you are coming from – but I think if I&#39;d had my child earlier, there would have been a lot of things I would miss today. Traveling six weeks through Southern Europe with a backpack three summers in a row? Swanky holidays in Miami? The city job? Traveling for work like a maniac? Kissing different guys? Partying all weekend long? The list goes on and on. <br>Been there, done that.

  15. Amy 4th December 2009 / 6:41 pm

    I was 19 when i has my first baby, fresh out of college and just moved in with the hubby. I am gald i had my babies early because i know by the time i&#39;m 35 my eldest will be 16 (i think thats right?) and i will still have plebtly of time to go back to uni or just enjoy time with the hubby and do things that i missed out on.<br><br>I&#39;m considered a young mum and to be honest i think i&#39;

  16. cartside 5th December 2009 / 12:11 am

    oh how I agree. The two things that work against having kids in the thirties (in my case late thirties even) is that you don&#39;t get any younger and I&#39;m generally exhausted even on a good day. Secondly, you are so set in your ways, and the life change of having kids is so substantial – I really struggled with it, and it made life quite hard for me. When you&#39;re younger it&#39;s so much

  17. Geriatric Mummy 5th December 2009 / 8:18 pm

    Interesting post. Having had my first aged 39, and wanting another I totally agree with you. I am too old and tired to cope with the relentlessness that is being a mother. I didn&#39;t meet my hubbie until well into my 30&#39;s and by the time we were married I was almost 37 so I didn&#39;t have much choice 🙁

  18. PsychedMum 6th December 2009 / 6:50 pm

    I had Jay (who is about 3 months or so younger than Toddler Boy) at 25. Doing the nursery visits last week we were the youngest parents at 28 and 30 respectively (we&#39;re in a reasonable area of Hemel). <br><br>I do sometimes feel looked down upon for being a young Mum, not owning a house yet etc. but what people can&#39;t tell from looking at me is that I have 3 degrees and have battled a

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