Tuesday, 31 March 2009

Suspicious Persons

I have just received this message:

Dear Watch Member,
Overnight, there has been a spate of damage to vehicles in the Verulam area.
Please report any suspicious persons hanging around your streets to the non emergency number

Now, is it me? But surely by the time you have called the non-emergency number and the police have responded, the suspicious people may well have left the area. Still, they would be foolish to come to our street as its always full of suspicious people;
There's the house next door where the riot police are often to be seen in their van on a Saturday night after the daughter and boyfriend have yet another epic argument (Its safer than going to some of the local pubs).
There's the Marvin incident whereby plain clothes policemen with assistance from uniformed spent two days camped out trying to catch a criminal holed up somewhere.
There's usually a gas man trying to break into our garage, or our neighbours to read the meter.
And there's hubby trying to repair the guttering as it falls down yet again...
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Sunday, 29 March 2009

The Winning Hat




OK, well, there was a slight danger that toddler boy would be mistaken for a cheery Easter undertaker due to my lack of Easter coloured craft equipment (I'm kitted out for bonfire night). But WE WON!!! Competitive dad (sorry, I mean Hubby) is overjoyed. I had to stop him doing a winning lap of the school hall shouting 'in your face'. I'm still trying to clean up the paint from the kitchen cupboards, sofa, carpet, door handles etc etc. The hat can be purchased for a small price, plus exorbitant postage and packing.

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Wednesday, 25 March 2009

Bags, Bags, Bags


Today I received a lovely new change bag. Fab, as it means I can start filling a new bag. the joy of getting lovely new baby wipes, nappies etc etc to fill my new bag is something that only mummy's an appreciate. Having said that, I do have a number of old bags, each holds a unique collection of artifacts fossilised to represent my state of mind, lifestyle and the demands placed on it at the time. Interestingly http://morethanjustamother.blogspot.com/ talks about the contents of her change bag, raisins seem to feature prominently.

So what is in my bags? In brief we have:

The work rucksack: keys, bits of tissue, random post it notes, a half finished novel, a stale packet of crisps (crushed), several old Biro's and a rubber

The Mui-Mui going out handbag; old tissues, stale bottle of water, some fruit pastel sweets floating about, a lipstick, compact mirror

The 'Ive got kids but I don't want to use a change bag' Nica bag; bottle of water, lipstick, nappy (unused) antibacterial spray, packet of free pencils from Pizza Express, tissues , some used, bits of fluff, crushed cereal bar, a baby spoon

The Radley handbag I used for my wedding; lipstick, bits of confetti, a flower button-hole (a bit manky now)

The Head gym bag; towel, swimming goggles (I wondered where they went), sunglasses, contact lenses...

To avoid reader boredom I won't reveal the contents of any more bags ,suffice to say there is also change bag numbers one, two and three (a free Pampers, free Huggies and a Kate Spade), summer Liberty print handbag, small black Radley handbag, random black bag from Dune, free Red magazine shopper and about 10 other ones.

Time for a major bag spring clean, just think of the lipstick I'm going to recover...

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Tuesday, 24 March 2009

Nappies for Charity

Living as we do in a fairly affluent part of St Albans (we are the odd ones out), some days I find I cannot open the porch door without living in fear of being drowned by an avalanche of those white plastic charity shop collection bags. As I freecycle the majority of my stuff they never get filled and I end up putting them outside on the appropriate days.
Recently, the Council delivered me some bags to put the disposable nappies I'm using temporarily in (honest). As we can't fit all our rubbish in the teeny tiny wheely bin they collect every two weeks. Guess what colour they are? White.
Today I had to run after a charity collector-' Oy! NO! that's all my dirty nappies for the last week'. It must be fun at the charity shop depot these days!
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The shopping trip

Today we navigated around the shops in Watford, I say navigate as driving the Phil and Teds with two on board is somewhat like steering a car which doesn't have the bonus of power steering. I can honestly say, that I don't know how people think they could use it to go off-road. It's a pale shadow in terms of its manoeuvrability in comparison to the Out and About pushchair we had for toddler boy.
If you would like a flavour of my shopping trip, imagine toddler boy on the top deck of the buggy holding onto a selection of horrid brown Monsoon cardigans for dear life which are hanging on their own rail and slowly being stretched, whilst the wheels of the buggy are trapped by a fitting, I'm tripping over a dress i'm thinking of buying (if the moths havent got to the last 20p) and baby girl is contentedly asleep oblivious to the destruction being wrought around her. I'm sure this scene is repeated all over the world at different times of the day and in different shops. Its a wonder that any clothes survive to be purchased.
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Monday, 23 March 2009

The Muslin Incident

As I am writing this, toddler boy is hiding behind the curtains having done a poo which he won't allow me to change. Ive finally found the answer to getting some writing done!
The weekend started with me managing to loose a diamond from my eternity ring, having searched the pavement outside our house and the insides of our house with a halogen lamp I am now convinced it's lost forever. Now I have to deal with the loss adjuster who wants to interview me for up to an hour. I've no idea what he thinks I'm going to say!
Following that disaster, this weekend was one of hectic abandon culminating in the Christening of garden boy . It was a lovely service, as hubby had to take toddler boy outside to run rampant around the churchyard, leaving me in peace (lol). Toddler boy was continuing the rampage that he had started on at playgroup, running riot around the church hall , demanding chocolate, frightening other toddlers and demolishing toys.
This behaviour seems worse when he is tired, which seems strange as it requires enormous amounts of energy. It also requires me to have energy which was severely lacking, especially after the muslin incident. STOP reading now if you are scared of spiders.
Basically I was giving baby girl a nighttime feed, with the muslin under her chin, when in the darkness a great big spider climbed out of the folded muslin cloth and ran towards me. I screamed in shock, even baby girl flinched and hubby turned over ' are you alright?' To which end I chucked the cloth and muslin (thankfully I had the presence of mind not to chuck baby too!) out of the bed and unfortunately onto my jeans which were neatly on the floor. Then I had to find the evil little critter or I wouldn't be able to sleep, so on went the lights, waking everyone up and I stood there for what seemed like hours bravely examining my jeans. Unsurprisingly, it had vanished. So, eventually I had to go back into bed. That morning we discovered it on the wall near our bed. I'm still traumatised and I don't/ didn't mind spiders. This is the second bed/ spider incident; the other one was when we spent a few nights wondering why our legs felt itchy at night only to discover a massive squashed spider in the bottom of our bed EURGGGHH!
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Thursday, 19 March 2009

Baby girls


Since giving birth to baby girl I can officially be classed as smug mum of girl and boy. He he he. And d'ya know what I feel quite smug about it too. Little girls are not all sugar and spice though, mine seems to eat incessantly, poo irregularly and demand attention all night long. Its a bit like having a smaller version of your husband really, which I suppose she is.
So, the main differences- well apart from the obvious there really is no difference, as yet. Aside from the mountain of pink clothes she seems to own. Although, I have to say, I'm surprised at the difficulties involved when changing the nappy of a tight wearing baby as opposed to one in trousers. Whole television programmes could be based around consumer testing of the best supplier of baby tights!
Best of all, I feel relieved that our television will not be 100% tuned into football. That is unless she is a massive tomboy and really likes the football...

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Wednesday, 18 March 2009

The sense of smell


Pretty much ever since she was born baby girl has demanded to be fed every two hours night and day. This has lead me to a state of permanent tiredness. Conversations with people pretty much go along the lines of ' how are you?' to which i reply 'tired'. I don't recall this with toddler boy, although I can remember being up a lot at night. There are a few things though that will bring back vivid memories and they are the oddest things. For example I recently purchased scented nappy bags (normally I get the cheap economy ones). Every time I change a nappy I am transported back to the day after toddler boy was born, and being in the hospital changing his nappy. Its funny how the sense of smell can really bring back memories. I'm not sure that this will be the case for my children's childhood, as they seem to both have permanent colds and its really impossible to wipe their noses. They cant possibly smell anything at all and nearly every photograph of them has them sporting bogeys Dick and Dom would be proud of (except the one ive added to illustrate this post)!

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Monday, 16 March 2009

Innocent little biscuits

I've been restrained today, just lunch, a cup of tea and a muffin and no snacks. Ive just ruined it all though with 4 custard creams, I thought they were innocent little biscuits. Ive just discovered they are 59 calories each. All my good work chasing toddler boy around the playground is ruined. Now, I have that feeling of despondency that makes you eat even more, I need a distraction and Carrie and Davids Popshop just isn't doing it for me.
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Thursday, 12 March 2009

Another rant about the supermarket

Theres nothing worse than going to the supermarket with your kids. Not only do you have the worry that one might do a massive poo or scream the place down, but you also have to find somewhere to park where you can open the door wide enough to get them out and then negotiate the trolley mountain to find a trolley that has a suitable combination of seats. So, SAINSBURY SUPERMARKET I could also do without:
  • Rude members of staff who persist in standing and chatting in front of the product I am trying to buy.
  • Having to walk around the entire supermarket to try to find the item I want as it has been located elsewhere as its on special offer
  • Elderly people who park in mother and baby spaces without a care in the world.
  • And perhaps the worst, MEN who stand in the queue to reserve a place whilst their other half/ colleague does the shopping. I have encountered this every time I have shopped recently and have wasted approximately 10 minutes each time standing behind said MAN to only find that their partner then strolls along with a trolley laden sky high and takes their place in front of me. On both occasions they have been very lucky not to have been whacked in the face with a frozen chicken (its only that I don't buy them). The tills should be policed for this sort of behaviour, as it seems to be more and more prevalent. In the meantime I'm going to shop elsewhere. Unless that is, someone from Sainsbury's happens to be reading this and offers me some suitable compensation for the bad experiences I have had there on numerous occasions recently.

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Wednesday, 11 March 2009

Tips for tidying

What does the modern mother do when she finds herself sleep deprived and in one of those cant be bothered moods, but the mother in-law is making an appearance. Now, some might say, let the mother- in- law tidy! Well, yes I used to agree with this sentiment, that was until I found her re-organising hubby's pant drawer. Many slightly horrified thoughts entered my head at that time, the most prominent being; OMG how did she find that drawer? She must have looked in others. Did she find my greying Bridget Jones pants and wonder why her beloved son had married such a person? The answer to this was provided that Christmas when I was presented with some new frilly knickers and hubby with a pair of tasteful red silk boxer shorts. We concluded she also wanted another grandchild.
So, back to the original thought; What do you do when the mother -in -law is due to make an appearance? My answer to this is to make sure that the sinks are sparklingly clean, the carpet is hoovered and any stray toy, magazine or book is pushed under the sofa/ coffee table. When this is completed, I breathe a sigh of relief and consider that the housework is done for another week. Nevermind the ironing etc as this can be shoved into a cupboard, especially now some have locks which enable 'wedging' of stuff without risk.
The next thing to worry about is how to tell the dishwasher repair man, that the rather large piece of it that toddler boy strolled into the room carrying yesterday, just ' fell' off!
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Sunday, 8 March 2009

A bag of crisps, a fire and some trees

For hubby there's nothing more exciting than shouting timber as he fells the last remaining tree in our garden, except that is, when he has the chance to burn it in his bin-cinerator (something that is an improvement on the barbecue bonfire of old). Yes, the neighbours really do still like us, I think! This isn't quite as environmentally unfriendly as it sounds as we do intend to replace them, just with more child friendly trees, ones that don't have poisonous berries for a start. For a perfect evening, he then tops it off with a beer and a packet of crisps. Now, I'm not saying men are simple, but theirs is an easily pleased life. If yesterday 's excitement at the prospect of gardening is anything to go by, toddler boy will take after his father. I'm glad the new baby is a girl!
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Thursday, 5 March 2009

Naked with Chocolate

I really am trying to fit into a reasonable sized maid of honor dress for my sister's wedding. Its just I really love chocolate. HELP! Every time i walk past the cupboard a little voice in my head speaks to me 'Life is for living isn't it, so what harm can a little bit do?' I fear the only solution will be to carry a child with me at all times thus not providing me with the means of opening a cupboard door.
On another note, toddler boy has taken to taking off his trousers and nappy and running wildly around the house. This presents many dilemmas, but the main worry is about my nice cream carpets. I find myself arguing with him to put them back on with threats of favourite toys being given away. Internally I find this scenario hilarious. I wonder if its genetic, I cant imagine I displayed this sort of behaviour, so I am putting it down to hubby. So, if you happen to see a half naked toddler running around St Albans being chased by a demented looking, bedraggled woman carrying a baby, you can be fairly sure its me. Be sure to offer some chocolate.
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Tuesday, 3 March 2009

A Lesson: Efficiency leads to half done things

Efficiency is the key to running a household with two under two's. Unfortunately that isn't something that I succeed at, rather I aspire to it. However, this week a strange thing has happened in which, instead of laying in bed, trying to occupy toddler for that extra half an hour whilst I watch something pointless like GMTV- which actually is more exhausting than getting up,- I have been getting up and doing stuff. Thus, somehow, the house has got into yet another terrible mess. Nonetheless there are many, many things half done. But is this progress I ask myself. One wonders if it is more efficient to revert back to the old ways of doing nothing, at least then there wouldn't be a number of half done things, which may in fact be more efficient.
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