The Bane of My Life; Part Two Featuring Toilets

Silly me, this never occurred to me. Not one bit. Not at all. You see, the frequency that I visit shops since having children has declined in such a way that if you were to plot it, you would get a sort of inverse ski slope. I now do the vast majority of my shopping on the Internet; books, clothes, music, food and even make-up. In fact, I could probably live quite well without ever venturing outside of my house.

Occasionally needs must and it’s nice to have a little mooch about, which is what we did today. Now, there are a few toys which have been at times, the absolute bane of my life, a sort of living hell embodied in plastic, there was the Hound of Hell and now the Ben 10 Omnitrix. Now I have a new adversary the ‘child friendly’ shop without a toilet. Lets face it, Britain in 2010 is not the most child- friendly sort of place, and generally it seems to be standard practice to put the children’s clothes upstairs. This means that you can use even more electricity and contribute even more to global warming by having to use the lift. The lift is usually an old goods lift which has a few promotional posters stuck over the peeling paint with yellowing sticky tape. There is always a fit person with two legs wearing running clothing and trainers waiting to get into the aforementioned lift in front of you. They expand to fill every single centimetre of space, so that you can’t fit in with your pushchair as well.

Back to the point, a walk around the shops seems to bring on the wee in toddler boy and the motion of a lift brings it right to the point of explosion. Today he emerged from the lift in a large high street family friendly chemist hopping up and down with desire to wee. I asked the nearest shop assistant if there was any chance that he could use their loo. I explained the conundrum, that he was tiny, only just potty trained and was literally about to wet himself there and then. I was greeted with ‘sorry no’. I explained that he really was about to wet himself, he was visibly hopping and rocking. To no avail; ‘its more than my jobs worth…’ Arggggh! When did this happen? This total jobs worthy lack of common sense, empathy and customer service which seems to afflict most shop assistants. Anyhow, accidents remarkably didn’t happen, although I did try to get him to wee in the doorway (he refused and went for the alley way). I can see this lack of toilets in public spaces becoming a real pain in the proverbial arse.

With this is mind I am tempted to start another campaign, it shall be based on the novel but somehow reactionary idea of encouraging your toddler to wee in the doorway/ window of any large shop which sells children and baby products but does not provide an emergency toilet. There’s a lot of wee out there and a lot of shops which lack this fundamental resource. Anyone want to be campaign secretary?


9 Responses

  1. Bec ( 16th June 2010 / 8:46 pm

    I LOVE THIS POST. We have mirror lives. This has happened to me soooooooo many times. I have tears of laughter and a slightly crazy look in my eye! I will definately be campaign secretary AND make badges!!

  2. Kat 17th June 2010 / 8:27 am

    I always have a potette under the pram. Doesn't see much action now but very helpful for when the announcement was a 30 second lead time.

  3. Glowstars 17th June 2010 / 1:58 pm

    It's summer. Stick him in short shorts and with a little pulling he can pee out the leg and onto the shop floor.

  4. mummyfiles 17th June 2010 / 7:56 pm

    Here here, I like your campaign idea. We are no where near potty training yet but I can easily see this happening to us too when the time comes.

  5. Mark 19th June 2010 / 6:08 pm

    Been there, suffered that. <br /><br />The wee against the wall campaign sounds good too. You could have fun with the logo

  6. Snaffles Mummy 19th June 2010 / 9:34 pm

    I know exactuly what you mean. I was recently in a new cafe when I discovered that there were NO toilets in there! After begging to let my 3 year old use their loo i was sent packing to the public loo two blocks away!! <br /><br />I had to leaqve my food and drinks to take him to the loo. We will not be returning and I have spread the word among mummy friends.

  7. Mummywhisperer 20th June 2010 / 11:38 am

    Brilliant campaign! Which shop was it? I&#39;ve been allowed in all sorts of shop loos – even worse when they have to poo &amp; a shop assistant has to wait for you!

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