The main reason I don't like 'time out' is because in my experience it seems to leave the child wondering what is going on, there is no consistency. To me, it can become more of an emotional and psychological torture, I am not keen on this at all. I am really rather concerned about the use of emotional techniques on children and I think that in many ways they are as bad as the traditional smack. In some cases worse, as the power balance that can become established can be frightening. I also simply find it quite hard to keep a child in 'time out' whilst there are others about goading them.
It is incredibly hard to reason with a toddler, however I do think that there are ways of dealing with bad behaviour and getting the message across before you reach 'time out' or naughty step. Often these are as simple as removing the toy or moving the child. A high shelf has become my friend.
But why do I like the 'naughty step' approach? Firstly, it has been very successful with my son. One of the reasons that its use is discouraged is that it creates a place where the child does not want to go when undertaking their routine daily play, a place that is associated with bad behaviour. However, we have not found that. Instead, our 'naughty step' has become a place of quiet reflection. It is not usual for a member of the family to go and sit down on it for a break from the chaos of our household (one that is full of music, films, craft, singing and mess!) I think this reinforces the way that it should be used, no-one (apart from me) is sent to the 'naughty step' in an aggressive manner. It is a place where you sit and think about your actions. Despite this, in reality our 'naughty step' is such a major thoroughfare in our house that it could not for one minute become a tainted area, and I think this is one of the keys to success with the approach.
I'd be interested to know how you discipline your children, do you go for the 'naughty step', 'time out' or have you a new and exciting method which we could learn from?
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I think we worry too much about minor variants on discipline: time out, naughty step, thinking time, removal of privililges. Frankly none of us are perfect and at times we will all lose our rag - we also use different means to establish good behaviour. But with time, care and love the kids (and us) will come through regardless.
I have one golden rule: no matter how much they might wind me up, I will never hit my children; not even so much a smack on the hand. And I expect the boys to follow the same rule: scrapping and fighting in any form whatsoever has simply not been tolerated in our house. And I think it's interesting as the bigger boys approach mid teens that neither of them would ever consider any form of violence as acceptable in their friends or in society in general. As they say, we reap what we sow!
In practice we seem to reason things out one or another.
My kids always choose to banish me to the naughty step!
We had a naughty chair. We still have the chair, but now he is nine it is just a chair these days.
I've been lucky so far cos he was born quite biddable.
Although that does make we wonder if he is saving up his energy for the teenage years.
Interesting post. We use the naughty step here but I do try and resolve the problem before it gets to that but sometimes I just need to remove her from the situation and the NS serves a purpose. I can't tolerate her hitting or kicking her baby sister so I have to create a sense that she's doing something unacceptable and I find the naughty step is a quick and meaningful way of doing this. When her time's up I go and ask her why she was there, she tells me, then she goes and says sorry to Tilly (the baby) and gives me a big cuddle. It's resolved with love and no lingering blame or negativity.
To be honest it's hard sometimes to keep my cool, but that's where the naughty step is useful, because it allows her time to think without getting to the stage where I shout.
My children are both wilful and I definately need the naughty step or life would be very hard!
We have a corner which is in the hall. For repeated or one off obvious unacceptable behaviour this is where daughter has to go and stay until she's called back. It works well, but... We have real issue with not listening / following instructions and I'm at a loss. I feel like I'm constantly criticising - we had no terrible twos, now she's 3 and putting herself into danger at times.
So no working solutions from my part, just the voice of despair how to encourage positively and without constantly reprimanding.
I'm beginning to wonder whether we need to use this, though it's something I've always disliked. Your explanation makes a lot of sense, though. We've fallen (without any conscious decision) into using the 'Go to your room and think about it' route, which I think is a big mistake. Of course, she doesn't stay there and think, either. But leaves the room screaming, or sometime laughing.
For the most part, I always try for explanations, but sometimes she can be in such a state that she can't listen to them. Some proper time out on a naughty step (understanding what that means) and then explanation after when she's calmed down seems like it would actually be more caring than what we've ended up with.
Difficult, though. How do you address misbehaviour in the car? We had this yesterday, and I had to physically restrain her (with my arms round her, not painfully, I hasten to add!) to stop her from standing up in the car. Since we don't drive, it's a new one on us!
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