Being a Good Enough Mummy

Life can be all about comparison with others, it’s only natural, that’s how we establish how well we are doing, what our boundaries are, what is appropriate behaviour and this all happens pretty much from birth. I work on comparison, I cant help it, I’m a child of the Thatcher years. I measure myself against everyone else. I try not to but I can’t help it and living in St Albans doesn’t help. It’s a town full of wealthy wives of bankers and so on, comparisons are inevitable.

I’m lucky enough to be blogging friends with Lisa aka the Mummy Whisper she has lead me through one workshop and her blog provides an endless source of help, hints and advice. Over the past year, I have tried to change my thinking a bit, although its very hard. Actually, analysing my values has helped a lot. I have also tried to put myself first a bit more, this has been a very positive thing for all.

Being a good enough mum is something that is all in the mind. I’m convinced feelings of not ‘being worthy’ can lead to all manner of difficult states of mind and I’m sure it almost certainly leads to post-natal depression. The good enough mum probably doesn’t spend the entire night awake worrying about whether she has purchased the right washing powder (so as not to irritate the baby’s delicate skin). She probably doesn’t spend the rest of the night awake trying to get the baby to sleep. I suspect she probably leaves the baby to cry for a bit, and thus encourages night-time sleep. The good enough mum does not subject herself to endless trips to baby groups and coffee mornings, where she has to interact with other mothers she nothing in common with. She takes her maternity leave and uses it to visit her pre-baby friends and indulge her hobbies. The good enough mum saves her money for herself, she does not fill her house with plastic toys and she still has an adult living room. The good enough mum is secure in herself.

At the end of the day, I’m starting to think that everyone is a good enough mummy for their child. So what if I feed them fish finger and pasta with grated cheese. So what if they watch a couple of hours television per day. It doesn’t matter in the long run, they are healthy and happy and loved. And, if all else fails you can always find a celebrity mum whose life is a total disaster. Kerry Katona springs to mind.

Now, my next challenge is to be a good enough wife.


7 Responses

  1. Cosmic 16th August 2010 / 12:27 pm

    Well said!<br /><br />xoxox

  2. Jane 16th August 2010 / 6:42 pm

    My Father&#39;s advice to me when me eldest arrived was that babies had been designed to be brought up in caves.<br />He is a wise man.<br />I enjoyed your post – well said indeed;<br />J x

  3. Muddling Along Mummy 16th August 2010 / 8:01 pm

    The best piece of advice I was given before B arrived was that the first year is all about survival – being perfect takes too much effort and you could use that time for better things, like sleeping<br /><br />You&#39;re a great Mum<br /><br />And you&#39;re right, we are all the right parents for our children because love can fix an awful lot of things. And at least means we continue to get up

  4. Metropolitan Mum 17th August 2010 / 12:51 pm

    Zoo, sometimes I want to hug you and pick you up and shake you, just a little. YOU ARE AN AWESOME MUM!!! <br />Dxx

  5. NVT 20th August 2010 / 10:28 am

    Really enjoyed reading that. My MIL said to me when my baby was born &#39;your baby will fit in to your lifestyle, don&#39;t change your lifestyle to fit the baby as that never works&#39;. I think thats so true.

  6. Lynn @ More4mums 20th August 2010 / 11:52 am

    Being a &quot;good enough mum&quot; carries on past the baby years too. Well that&#39;s my excuse for not doing all the housework and playing with the girls or taking them on days out !

  7. Olli Ella (chloe) 20th August 2010 / 1:19 pm

    I wish wish wish more writers and bloggers whose subject is motherhood would be as candid and open as you, Zoo. Well said X

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *