Yesterday I had the most awful migraine. It started as I was driving down a country lane in the fog with two children in the car. Flashing lights which strangely made me think of bunting appeared in my right eye. If I looked to the right they were gone, but straight ahead they were there. I couldn’t stop, there was nowhere to stop, so I persevered to where I was going. By the time I arrived I had a terrible headache on my left hand side.
This is only the third time a migraine like this has happened to me this year. I’ve not had them before. Having known three people just a few years older than me to suffer brain aneurysms within the last three years and being a terrible hypochondriac I did wonder. However, common sense prevailed and I checked the causes. Stress, anxiety, the wrong foods can all be triggers. I think perhaps it may be a combination of the above. White chocolate, Christmas stress and the general anxiety that comes with being a working mum.
However, I think something strange has come over me recently. Hormones, I don’t know. You see, I really have begun to feel exceedingly stressed about the amount of mess in our house. It’s stupid I know and slightly funny. But, I really do lie in bed awake at night worrying about the amount of stuff we have. I mean, what if we all had an accident, whoever had to come and clear out our stuff would be here for a year. I have all my stuff from my childhood. We have hundreds of pots and pans etc in the kitchen we don’t use. Paper and cardboard is blossoming in the craft cupboard and toys spill across the coffee table.
It’s the curse of being a ‘waste not, want not’ person. I’m not meaning to gloat but we live in a large four bedroomed house with a library and a big garage. I cant find any space, there are no clear surfaces, there are rooms we can’t enter and a garage that hasn’t seen sunlight in at least four years. Our house probably represents the biggest fire risk in our road.
Clutter, that’s what it is. Not purposeful things that are used all the time. No, clutter that says ‘keep me, I might come in useful one day’. Clutter that says ‘this would cost you a lot of money if you needed to buy it’. Clutter that says, ‘I’m too full of memories to ever leave your possession’. It’s also draining, I cant find the energy to clear it, to sort through and tidy. It is as if the house has been taken over by bad Feng Sui vibes and that has drained me of all tidying ability.
I have tried to set myself goals, I’m quite target driven. Complete the tidy of the kitchen and then you can buy…, eat…., or have a night out. This doesn’t work as its the path to disappointment. There is always something better to do. Like, trips to the dentist or cleaning the loo. Is this all the manifestation of a mid-life crisis?