Dealing with Boys

I make no secret of the fact that I have no end of trouble dealing with the boy. It started from birth really with his breath-holding and all that. Recently things have escalated to epic proportions of violence and attitude and it’s difficult to know what to do, where to turn or even how to empathise with him. So when I heard about a special parenting course which helps mums to understand and deal with their boys under five, I thought I had better sign up.

One session down and I realise that I am not the only one having issues. I am also filled with interesting facts. Did you know that it takes three weeks for a boy to establish a behaviour whether good or bad? This means that you can mould them, with a little with perseverance. I wonder whether this works on husbands too?

Anyhow, apparently we are to be given a booklet on how to discipline boys. I had a little search of the Internet and I have actually found it here. This booklet runs through 17 techniques to use with boys. These are as simple as actually making sure they hear you by putting your hand on their shoulder and making eye contact when you speak with them. Boys also respond very well to commands, use as few works as possible with them. They like to know where they stand and what they are doing.

One of the things which seems to be working for the school run is simply to get him up and tell him what we are going to be doing throughout the whole day. I don’t give him more than two choices, there are no arguments or discussions I don’t enter into them. It’s still grim, but its better.


12 Responses

  1. Justine 26th January 2011 / 8:40 am

    Thank you so much for sharing this!<br />i have a two year old, who is very funny, but also can be very naughty.<br />He does not speak yet, which makes things a little more difficult, frustration adding to his behaviour.<br />Any tips are great, so thanks again.<br />Justine

  2. Aussie Mum 26th January 2011 / 12:09 pm

    Hope things improve a little with your wee man. The issues with School must be very frustrating and stressful. Have sympathy for me with 3 little fellas! Junior is pretty easy but Rascal is really pusing the boundaries and driving us all nuts but thats 2 year olds for you! Fingers crossed that things improve for all of us and thanks for the link.

  3. ella 26th January 2011 / 12:20 pm

    I have that booklet and I think it&#39;s wonderful! I have used all those techniques at various times with one or other of my boys and over time they do work. <br /><br />I do think it&#39;s interesting though that parents think boys need more discipline and therefore shout more at them. Since I read that, I have been quite conscious to make an effort to be firm but not shouty and it has worked

  4. Juicytots 26th January 2011 / 7:12 pm

    I read a really good book called Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph (sp?) I&#39;m sure you would find it helpful. My son is 10 and starting high school next year and this phase of pulling away from us and asserting his need for some independance presents a fresh challenge, think I need to get reading again!!

  5. PantsWithNames 26th January 2011 / 10:11 pm

    I use all those techniques on my boys with a range of success rates.<br /><br />In particular, I find that they can be a million miles away and really need to be bought back by the hand on the shoulder/eye contact making sure that they really are with you on the land of reality. Otherwise I find that it doesn&#39;t matter how many times I have said &#39;SOCKS!&#39; they haven&#39;t heard it.

  6. TwoAddThree 26th January 2011 / 10:19 pm

    Hi,<br />I&#39;m on son 3 of 3! 1 is nearly 10, next is nearly 8 and baby is 20 months. I went on a &quot;Pleasurable Parenting&quot; course through my boys&#39; primary school and found it invaluable. Says very much the same as the leaflet you&#39;ve linked to but certainly made me evaluate my &quot;Belief System&quot; (Not spiritual beliefs but about what is important in your life). The

  7. Mark 26th January 2011 / 10:29 pm

    Interesting that the picture shows a huge smile.<br /><br />I am sceptical about the boy / girl divide, especially ast such an early age – but I guess whatever works.<br /><br />Interestingly Jane finds the boys as teenagers more difficult (while I find them easier) – partly I tink this is because Jane always expects them to share thoughts and feelings, discuss possibilities; when they prefer

  8. Catherine Cooper 27th January 2011 / 3:35 pm

    That is so interesting,. My son always likes to know exactly what he is going to be doing in advance of doing it. I also do the same as you sometimes – tell him what we are going to be doing all day – I thought it was just him!

  9. Reluctant Memsahib 27th January 2011 / 4:24 pm

    i asked my mother, when my son was three, &#39;when will i be able to reason with him?&#39; . she took a sidelong look at said son&#39;s father and said, &#39;never?&#39;. well he&#39;s 20 now. the son, not the father (obviously). and he is edging towards reason. his father, alas, is not! my genes. naturally. so there&#39;s hope. there is.

  10. Kat - Housewife Confidential 27th January 2011 / 6:44 pm

    Very interesting leaflet, have emailed it to a buddy much in need of advice to get on her 4 year old&#39;s wavelength.

  11. Fiz(Fizzie-Lou on Twitter!) 29th January 2011 / 10:12 pm

    I hope things improve with your toddler, Z.A. I do feel for you all. I wish there&#39;d be a leaflet for ADHD kids – there are whole tomes, and I had a kid that would say &quot;Black&quot; because I&#39;d say &quot;white&quot;, just for the sheer pleasure of annoying me!

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