Boy was what I consider a miracle baby, he took such a long time to conceive I never thought I would get a baby. Fifi was a gift, heaven sent, a much easier baby overall and a girl. When I thought about kids I only ever thought of two; a boy and a girl. That was before I actually had them and the hormones kicked in.
I love my children. My children drive me mad, I mean totally bonkers, around the bend and through the spiral and back again. I can honestly say that I am a woman on the edge from the moment Cbeebies or Milkshake comes on in the mornings, through the endless demands to build Lego or feed the dolly, right the way until the husband comes home from work. Sometimes I lock myself in the toilet and spend a bit longer than necessary, just for a bit of peace. Work seems a doddle.
Why is it then, that I have spent essentially the last 21 months craving a third baby? It makes no sense, I look at my two little ones holding hands and I think ‘aw, how sweet’ and then I imagine another little one. When I wake up in the mornings I think how lovely another baby would be, when I go to bed I think, well that’s another day further away from another baby. I cant think straight, but I can think of baby names.
Invisible third baby syndrome is not a good thing for clutter, I have hoarded all the baby stuff. Just in case. I keep thinking I should get rid of it, be done with it. Then I think that perhaps I will hold onto it for just a little bit longer. The rational side of me wants to get rid of it, the emotional side keeps it.
Life is a leap into the unknown and that is what a third baby would be for us. We come from 2 children families, we don’t know the dynamics. I was very unwell with terrible SPD when I had both children, I still haven’t fully recovered. I spent most of my time tired, and I’m rushed off my feet. Having babies is dangerous, I don’t want to leave the two I already have. We have a boy and a girl, we don’t need another. Its hard to explain, but I don’t feel fulfilled, I cant enjoy my children without thinking about the potential of another. I wonder about getting a cat. Maybe that’s the answer.