…that I think I came to the dawning realisation that my life is not turning out how I wished.
When I was seven I wanted to be an archaeologist and that was what I became.
I clearly remember being about ten and deciding that at 21 I would have children and I would have a boy and a girl.
I didn’t find the right man to marry at that age and it was quite a bit later when we had children (eventually).
I think I imagined some sort of either uber parenting experience where I would either go to work and have someone to look after the children or; I would have a beautiful house and stay at home cooking cakes and looking after the children. In both scenarios I would be ridiculously happy and fulfilled. I have not achieved this.
I am stressed.
It’s a challenging time at work and I know deep down that whatever happens it’s time to make a change. A leap into the unknown.
We need a certain amount of cash, I do relish the company of adults.
My brain is full of noise, I cant concentrate on enjoying my children. I spend my weekends doing housework and organising things for the week ahead. This is not fun.
I enjoy doing activities with my children and I worship them. I don’t feel that I am doing my best for them, as I am not mentally there with them.
This is the week where I have had a moment; one of those pivotal minutes in time when I know deep down that things need to change. I need to change my attitude, I am set in my ways.
I like consistency, I have sat at the same desk for nearly a third of my life. I feel content with this. I feel slightly ashamed by this. My children and my husband should be my priority, my happiness will have an impact on their happiness. I am a bit selfish.
I have begun a new journey, but at the same time, it’s just where to begin it…