This is the week…

…that I think I came to the dawning realisation that my life is not turning out how I wished.

When I was seven I wanted to be an archaeologist and that was what I became.

I clearly remember being about ten and deciding that at 21 I would have children and I would have a boy and a girl.

I didn’t find the right man to marry at that age and it was quite a bit later when we had children (eventually).

I think I imagined some sort of either uber parenting experience where I would either go to work and have someone to look after the children or; I would have a beautiful house and stay at home cooking cakes and looking after the children. In both scenarios I would be ridiculously happy and fulfilled. I have not achieved this.

I am stressed.

It’s a challenging time at work and I know deep down that whatever happens it’s time to make a change. A leap into the unknown.

We need a certain amount of cash, I do relish the company of adults.

My brain is full of noise, I cant concentrate on enjoying my children. I spend my weekends doing housework and organising things for the week ahead. This is not fun.

I enjoy doing activities with my children and I worship them. I don’t feel that I am doing my best for them, as I am not mentally there with them.

This is the week where I have had a moment; one of those pivotal minutes in time when I know deep down that things need to change. I need to change my attitude, I am set in my ways.

I like consistency, I have sat at the same desk for nearly a third of my life. I feel content with this. I feel slightly ashamed by this. My children and my husband should be my priority, my happiness will have an impact on their happiness. I am a bit selfish.

I have begun a new journey, but at the same time, it’s just where to begin it…

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7 Responses

  1. Mark 17th February 2011 / 10:07 pm

    Have you read Martin Seligman&#39;s Authentic Happiness? It is an excellent book and not the usual motivational psycho- babble. Rather he&#39;s a top psychologist with an excellent analysis and process on how to have an authentically happy lifestyle. <br /><br /> He has super website too with online questionnaires, instant feedback , just google his name or try<br /> <br />http://

  2. Fiz 17th February 2011 / 11:09 pm

    Do you absolutely have to work? I chose not to when the kids came along, but it means I can&#39;t work now (in my 50&#39;s) because nothing I did before is relevant to today&#39;s world. I know you have a child minder, and I know how much an ex Albanian friend was paying for her&#39;s 15 years ago. I dread to think of the cost of it now! Sometimes the early years are stressful and repetitive and

  3. Cass@TheDiaryofaFrugalFamily 18th February 2011 / 2:31 pm

    I know exactly what you&#39;re going through. I had a moment like this last Summer and I decided to reduce my hours at work – not by much, just enough to mean that I could pick the kids up from school myself and spend the afternoon with them (although as it happens I&#39;m now a glorified taxi driver for all their activities lol).<br /><br />I have quite a stressful job and although my job is

  4. Muddling Along 18th February 2011 / 4:25 pm

    I sort of know where you are because I had got myself all excited about changing and am now talking myself out of rocking the boat – not really terribly great when I know that things do need to change<br /><br />Hope that you find the answers you are looking for and lots of happiness

  5. Aussie Mum 19th February 2011 / 9:07 am

    Sounds like you have had a very stressful week. Hope you have a chance to think things through and decide what you really want to do. Being a working mum is always a very difficult juggling act. Hope it all works out ok.

  6. YouthMUSE 19th February 2011 / 12:19 pm

    I am not sure when and who started the rumor that you would not have a balanced life, with all your needs and wants for your life taken care of just because you have children. True, some choices offer more benefits than others do. However, once you get your own head straight on what it is you really want, then it becomes possible work out the solutions. I did it in a roundabout way using this

  7. WelshMum 19th February 2011 / 9:04 pm

    I can see that this is truly a difficult time for you. Any element of change effects us all in different ways and without doubt it knocks our confidence. Whenever this happens to me I write a list of what my goals and ambitions are and then I try to work out a plan to achieve them. Unfortunately the emotion &amp; the fear of the unknown will be messing with your head at the moment. However if

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