Guest Post: Nicki Cawood; Which one of my children do I love more?

This weeks guest post if from brilliant freelance writer and blogger Nicki Cawood (her own blog Curly&Candid is primarily a parenting blog but content includes anything from children to current affairs – and her candid opinion of them!). Based in North Yorkshire, Nicki is mum to two boys, Kieran 5yrs and Taylor 8m, wife to Roy and is very much a social media tart! You can find her, much of the time, on Twitter.

After facing never being able to have children, struggling, losing a pregnancy and then finally getting pregnant again… Kieran arrived. He is my world! He is funny, smart, loving… everything I could wish for. Every day he surprises me with something he knows that I didn’t realise he’d learned or shows an insightfulness that surprises me in one so young. He has such a creative streak and tells the most unbelievable good stories. He really does make my heart melt. I look at him sleeping sometimes and my heart contracts and I feel pure happiness. I really do love this child. It’s a wonder he isn’t spoiled!

We had always planned a big family (I am one of six siblings, Roy is one of four), but due to our fertility struggles we’d long since decided a large brood wasn’t on the cards. This aside, we knew we wanted more than one and when Kieran was just six months old we started trying again. A good job really as just over four years later, Taylor George arrived.

This pregnancy was very different. I’m not one of those “I’m pregnant / I’m ill” people but God was I ill. Hideous morning sickness, almost immobile with service “torturous” varicose veins, then gestational diabetes and having to visit the hospital twice a week (on the bus!). I ended up having a C-Section at 38wks and whilst I waited, my anxious mind started to work overtime. As excited as I was, and as much as I knew I loved this child already, I had a wobble. Could I possibly love Taylor as much as Kieran.  Was that even possible, to love two so much and equally. You weren’t suppose to have favourites, Oh God, what if I favoured one over the other subconsciously… what effect would that have on them?

I needed have worried. The second I held my new baby in my arms I knew, it wasn’t a case of loving one more than another. I do have enough love in me to cherish them both with equal intensity. Now 5yrs and 8m they are already devoted to each other and (when not fighting over toys/games/girls) will be the best of friends I hope when they are grown. Watching them both together I can smile and know that together and apart I love my little boys just the same…. more than anything!


3 Responses

  1. alysonsblog 9th August 2011 / 5:22 pm

    so very true – I know with each of my 3 I have had that same worry that it cant be possible to love them the same – but as my mum always said 'you just opens your heart wider to take a new one in'

  2. Fiz 10th August 2011 / 11:09 am

    My mother told me, when I expressed a similar worry in the same circumstances, that "They bring their own love with them". I found that to be true.

  3. Nicki Cawood 10th August 2011 / 9:40 pm

    Both of your Mums sound just fantastic x

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