I’ve literally reached the limits of my endurance, the absolute limit of my ability to live happily in my house. I am quite literally going mad. The problem you see, is one which I have been talking about for months. Its THE MESS. Granted, with three children you are going to see a bit of mess, however this is far too much to deal with.
There is not a single surface which is uncluttered, including, even on top of my wardrobe. I cannot find peace anywhere. Everywhere I sit I look around and see piles of clutter. Clutter which I spend my days clearing and tidying. Ever waking minute has become a bit of a nightmare as I spend the whole time when not changing nappies, feeding the baby, entertaining children wandering about tidying up mess. I open a cupboard and the whole lot falls out on me. I tread on Lego, Playmobil and assorted other toys. I lay in bed and my eye flits from pile of clothes, to piles of books. I cant watch television anymore, all I do is look at the shelves where there are piles of DVD’s bits of toys, paperwork and so on. Its not for want of tidying it up, as soon as I tidy a space it becomes cluttered. Almost like its growing.
People have suggested the Fly Lady approach. One room at a time. I have tried this, as soon as I clear a room it becomes cluttered again. I have tried throwing stuff away, then the bin gets full and do you know how difficult it is to go to the council tip with three children? Can I just say that its a dangerous nightmare, especially when the workers there insist on going through all your rubbish to make sure you are putting it in the correct bins.
I cant begin to tell you how disturbed and unsettled I feel about it all. I have not been able to relax in my own home for more than a year now. I feel as if I am going totally mad, I even dream about having a tidy house. I find myself considering leaving, just walking out and leaving them all to it. I really cant cope with it. When I discussed this with the Midwife who visited she sympathised and suggested trying to clear just one shelf, just one place which I could focus on. I tried to do this, but its a constant battle to try to keep it clear.
It really is a stupid problem, I feel pathetic discussing it but I am overwhelmed. I really don’t know what to do.