So, school has kicked off and my kids are thoroughly exhausted already. Roll on half term. My thoughts go back towards issues of a school related nature. At the moment I’m puzzling over a number of questions:
How does Alpha Mum become so? Does this species set out to become top dog from day one or does it happen through a process of play dates, evil eyeballing and knocked off designer purchases?
Why do my clocks not seem to tally with the school whistle making me late nearly every day despite efforts to leave the house earlier and earlier?
Why are school bags made of special slippery polyester so they effortlessly fall off anything you try to balance them on?
Why do I seem to lose the power of articulate speech only in the school playground?
Why cant they have a special area for mums like me to stand? A sort of safe zone where no-one notices if you have brushed your hair and the Tesco label is sticking out of your knickers as you run into the playground screaming threats at the children…
Why do my children always look so unkempt compared to everyone elses?
Who invented stupid girls heeled shoes (with hearts on) when the boys are like trainers?
Why do people always let their dogs poo on the main route to school?
If you have any answers to any of these questions then please write a comment below. Unless that is you are already late for the school run because you’re fiddling about on the Internet *ahem*…