Ranked Number One Parent

Life is full of rankings isn’t it? There’s a parent blog ranking table, schools are ranked, places to live are indeed subject to the same judgement. At school there is an unspoken ranking system from Alpha mum, all the way through to the D list mothers like myself who only the desperate at the school gates even acknowledge. Ranking is important; I even choose books based upon their popularity. I’m influenced by by rankings in things and being highly competitive I have a secret urge to the at the top, to be the best. So, I’ve decided that I’m going to crown myself at the Number 1 ranked well, er, parent. These are the reasons why:

I actively encourage my kids to get their own breakfast, facilitating this by making sure all the things they need are within their reach. This encourages independence, personal choice and allows me to watch the breakfast news in bed, so I can keep them up to date on current affairs which I can tell them about.

I have purchased a football.

I have made sure they can all ride their bikes without stabilisers by the age of four.

I have sacrificed my cream carpet to their craft activities and desire to wander the house with lollipops.*

I feed them food cooked from scratch by myself on a daily basis and allow them to help in this process so they know how to cook (albeit often inedible food)

I have filled the house with books which are of interest to me, maybe one day they will feel inspired.

We have been out without them less times than the number of fingers I have on one hand. The ultimate sacrifice. **

I haven’t had an undisturbed nights sleep in over seven years.

I have a special drawer full of ikea plastic bowls, cups and plates.

I’ve gone up a dress size in the name of parenting.

I’ve changed at least 18,000 nappies so far.

I have a handbag full of loose raisins.

I take the children on days out.

I have grey hair.

But! I’m still standing, just. My children are happy (on the whole), just let me have this little accolade, let me believe I’m number one parent, because frankly, I’m not left with a lot else I can make the top of the rankings in.

What makes you a top parent? I’d really love to hear.

*I may have simply given up
** Even before kids we actually preferred staying at home


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